There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize