I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
