did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
