he thought i was a dude.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
