that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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