you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I am mentally ready for anal.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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