I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I am naked and annoyed.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
