batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Couch. On fire.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
