im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
