the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Randomize
