I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
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