i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
