There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
