my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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