So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
We are all done wearing pants today
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
