I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
