I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Randomize
