They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
i wish my penis had a tongue
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
