took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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