Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
