so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
