There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize