i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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