sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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