Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Randomize
