OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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