I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
