Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Randomize