the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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