he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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