Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize