Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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