I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
