Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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