my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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