It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
