so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
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