I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
