OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Randomize
