Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Randomize
