my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
