Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
he was CRYING into my vagina
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
