I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize
