Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
