Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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