worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
