Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
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