And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
