yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
