thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
