I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I'm at about main and main street
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
