Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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