My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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