i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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