I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
