It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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