I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Randomize
