Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
