I think im going to throw up on grandma
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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