How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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