We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Randomize