hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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