we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
