Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
