I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
