i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
