I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
