He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
