GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize