I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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