But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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