there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
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