Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
We have started to decorate penises.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
