i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
