I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
