we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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