Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
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