Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
