GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Randomize